No-one can make you feel anything

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my wife Leanne about some of the things we have both been experiencing in our personal journeys of late, and there was a common theme, one that I have become increasingly aware of in myself, and so I thought maybe it’s coming up for some of you too.

This is the root of the subject:

No-one can make you feel anything

This might not be easy to accept. Especially when we live in a world of people who blame all their problems on everyone and everything else.

But hear me out.

We have 8 billion people on this planet, and we all react to situations in different ways.

We react based on our past experiences.

I have spent a lot of time this year working on a fear of rejection. I didn’t have this fear for no reason. I had it because I have experienced a lot of painful rejection in the past.

That past made me sensitive to it happening again. Almost to the point of looking out for it like someone scanning their environment for danger. That made me susceptible to perceiving the actions of others as a rejection, even when they weren’t.

I responded the way I did because of how I felt.

Let’s look at a simpler example.

Say we are out in the car and another driver does something we perceive as dangerous.

We have a choice in how we respond to this.

We could be angry.
We could be scared.
We could judge them for making a mistake.
We could feel nothing.

The way that we respond is largely dependent on how we are feeling in that moment, perhaps how confident we feel on the road, or a past experience with driving.

The other driver doesn’t control that response.
They didn’t make you feel anything.

Now just to clarify, this has no bearing on whether the actions of another are right or wrong. And regardless of how we emotionally react, it can still be important that we speak our truth, or put boundaries in place as an act of self-love.

But why is it important to take responsibility for our feelings?

The thing is, if we blame how we feel on the actions of others, then it is always out of our control.

If it is someone else’s fault, we have no choice but to live with it because we can’t change other people.

But if we accept responsibility, if we can accept that we feel angry, or sad, or afraid because of something within us, then we take control. We can change ourselves. And if we desire that change strongly enough, it comes surprisingly easily.

But here is the interesting thing. When we change ourselves, we change our lives.

I have shared before about the nature of reality as a mirror. The circumstances that we experience are there to help us to grow and overcome.

So if there is something within us that makes us fearful, angry or sad, we will naturally manifest circumstances to trigger that feeling. This is the universe’s way of trying to help us see that part of ourselves so we can heal it.

And when we do, we no longer need to experience it in our reality any more. Those situations can just disappear.

This brings me to the real magic. We said before we can’t change someone else, but…

When we change ourselves, we change how others respond to us.

Perhaps that other person has been playing an important role in your healing journey by trying to show you the pattern that requires healing.

Once you have seen, once you have overcome, there is no need for them to act that way towards you anymore.

And as such, your relationship can heal.

How many of us experience conflict within our families? Or perhaps that person at work that rubs you up just the wrong way.

These people are our teachers.

Next time this happens, maybe ask yourself, “What is it that this person is showing me about myself?”

And be open to receive.

We can’t heal what we don’t know. But as soon as we consciously become aware of something, we can overcome.

I hope this helps you today.

Sending so much love
David 🙏💛